The Eastern Institute of Entrepreneurship (EIE) was set up in the city with the grandiose ambition of promoting entrepreneurship among the youth of the region. So long it was doing quite well, producing post-graduate degree and diploma holders who shunned government jobs and took to innovative professions such as storytelling, blackmailing, gambling, stealing, looting, forging of bank notes, food adulteration, etc. But after a decade of functioning, a feedback survey undertaken by the Institute revealed that most of the above mentioned professions had become saturated and they were unable to absorb new entrants.

The Institute embarked on several workshops, seminars, and brain storming sessions to find out new avenues of occupation that could accommodate a larger number of young boys and girls, who aspired to do something different from the rest. The academicians, researchers and scholars involved in the exercise hit upon a goldmine - an area which was very lucrative, high yielding and equally challenging - that could provide employment to any number of youth even if they did not possess any degree. The new avocation that was selected by the Institute was extortion, kidnapping for ransom and hijacking. The High Level Committee, in its report commented that the activities were popular, in existence for quite some years, very remunerative and specialised in nature. So, it was wrong for the authorities to look down upon these activities. Instead they should come forward and promote them in all possible ways.

To start with, extortionists, kidnappers and hijackers of good standing were invited to sit with academicians to work out the curriculum for the course. The Degree Course had eight papers, while the Diploma required only four. To be eligible for the Degree, a candidate had to do an internship of at least one month with a kidnapper or extortionist group, besides summer placement with underground outfits. Hijacking was a specialised paper and required only for those who wanted their Degree with a Major. As there were too many aviation training institutes in the city and many of them did not have even a minimum number of students, some were eager to sign an MoU with E.I.E. to provide On-Board hijacking training to the Major students of the new course.

But the most striking aspect of these courses was that they were self-financing. A candidate need not pay any fees at the time of admission or during the tenure of the course. However, six months before completing the course, he or she had to do a practical exercise of extortion, kidnapping or hijacking as the case may be and pay the entire course fee from the proceeds of that exercise. Any candidate who failed to do so would not be eligible for the Degree, but he or she, out of compassion, would be considered for appointment as night guard, waiter, cook, guide, etc., in kidnappers’ hideouts in remote jungles, E.I.E. got support and sponsorship from the most unexpected quarters. The Tourism Department, for example, came forward to tell the Institute that they were already planning to make extortion, kidnapping and hijacking their USP for the coming years. Tourists from overseas would be invited to come and see how kidnappings take place. There would be simulated kidnappings in which the tourist could participate as a decoy. The Department was interested to recruit the Degree and Diploma holders of the new course as tourist guides for this specialised tourism sector.

The Government was quite surprised to see the employment potential of this new sector. Soon, it was time for starting a new ministry - Ministry of Extortion, Kidnapping and Hijacking, Mexkihi in short. The Mexkihi was headed by a full-fledged Cabinet Minister, while there were two Ministers of State with independent charges of Extortion and Kidnapping respectively. With fast expansion of projects and activities in the country in general, and in the North East, Jammu & Kashmir and Naxalite infested States in particular, this Ministry was contributing hefty revenue to the Exchequer of the State. The Ministry became a hub of all kind of activities, signing MoUs with new born African countries, South American guerrilla outfits, Hamas, Taliban and Neo Nazis. Every second day, it was either sending a delegation of experts for training target groups in overseas nations or receiving groups who came for on the job training in the country.

Even though extortion and kidnapping were now recognised as legitimate activities, certain human rights violations were reported from some parts of the country. In one case, a two-week-old baby was kidnapped from the hospital, while in another case a 106-year-old patriarch was taken away from a border state to the mainland where the weather did not suit him. So, the National Human Rights Commission had to intervene and come out with a code of conduct and citizens charter applicable to the new ministry and its spheres of activity.

With the involvement of so many players in the field, how could you keep the TV, FM channels and the organisers of reality shows out of the picture? Soon, there were dedicated channels which dealt with extortion, kidnapping and hijacking only. There were panel discussions where representatives of ULFA, SULFA, BLTF, TNLF, DHD, etc, and even officials from Mexkihi took part regularly. Annual awards were announced for Best Extortion and Kidnapping of the Year. The Kidnapper of the Year Award would go to that outfit which carried out the maximum number of registered kidnappings during one financial year. Mexkihi in the meantime had formulated an elaborate system by which in-principle permission had to be taken for each kidnapping by paying an advance fee. All information of the permit, however, would be kept secret for the success of the plan. The Ministry would not take any responsibility for kidnappings which were not registered or for which fees were not paid in advance.

The organisers of the reality shows, expectedly, started the much awaited SMS campaign for selection of the annual award winners. There were reports that some persons who had the resources, but did not send enough SMSes for a particular outfit were kidnapped and released only when their family members sent the required number of SMSes while they were in confinement by the kidnappers.

There were also reports that some corrupt officials, on the eve of their imminent arrest by CBI, took help from fellow corrupt officials of Mexkihi and got themselves kidnapped to escape from the clutches of law. The Government is now contemplating to set up a special vigilance cell in Mexkihi to prevent the repeat of such happenings.

The private universities, meanwhile, having smelt honey in the deal, have come out with distance learning programmes in these fields. They offer specialised part time certificate courses in helicopter hijacking, kidnapping of pets such as cats and dogs, post-kidnapping plastic surgery for escaping criminal charges. One of the Northeastern States, it is learnt, is now contemplating to set up a separate university for this purpose and all the underground outfits of the region have assured them of investment in the project.

These courses are working wonders. This writer had sent his articles for publication to many magazines and newspapers, but they never saw the light of the day. But once the writer obtained a degree recognised by Mexkihi, the editors have not returned even one manuscript sent by him. When are you joining the course?

Nurul Islam Laskar