Warning: the feats described below were performed by an extremely brilliant chap, who has a very chequered career, at least two post-graduate technical degrees from international institutes of repute to my knowledge, and has a deep sense of astrology – you can say an astrologer of repute. So, anyone trying to emulate him will do so at his/her own risk.

His adventures started during his early childhood. He could conjure up all those so called ‘brilliant’ ideas at a very tender age. Some forty years back, everyone around in a locality would act as guardians, and they were treated with due reverence, too, back then.

He had been a movie buff, but elders couldn’t go for all of them. And more importantly, at least one of the parents must accompany. And he had his younger brothers and sisters at home, who stood on his way to the movie hall. So, he got into a pact with another friend, who is also a senior technical officer now. Each would save pocket money and bunk school in such a manner that no one could even think of it. The first day, one of them would leave school early to make for the matinee show. He would come out during the interval, hand over the ticket to the other one, and would go home. As each of them would be missing only for some time, no one had any reason to suspect. Then, they would narrate to each other about the half they had missed. If the situation permitted, and if the missed portion appeared to be too interesting to miss they would make a second attempt – reversing the time. That way, the whole film was enjoyed by them, while no one could get a whiff of it.

During college days, whenever he went for a movie, he would normally go out for at least two films in a row, sometimes, even three. This saved him a lot of preparation time. He would come out at around 9-30 or 10, carrying one or two bottles full of thick dal filled from the hostel kitchen, and appropriate stock of drinking water. During those days, there were no serious restrictions on carrying bags, etc., to the cinema hall – no security threats at all, so, he had no problem carrying them in. After purchasing his ticket, he would pick up a loaf of bread before taking his seat. His lunch continued along with the movie – bread, dal, water. If the next show was a different movie, he would tip the gatekeeper early, and inform him about his intention of continuing through. He moved to another nearby hall, if his mood continued, and returned to the hostel just before dinner.

Now, see how he handles election duty. At the mention of the word ‘election’, every government employee breaks out into a cold sweat, but he relishes his duty with gay abandon. During a particular election, the second polling officer assigned to him fell sick. So, he had to carry out this officer’s duties, as well as his own. The second officer’s duty was to put indelible ink on the voter’s index finger. He got both his hands smeared black with the permanent ink, in the process, as he could not do it as deftly as the job required. (Maybe, there were quite a few eye-catching distractions, too, that made him jittery – who knows!). By the end of the day, he was undoubtedly doubly tired. As his polling station was a couple of kilometres away from the receiving centre, he made it early. While he lined up for submitting the election materials, he suddenly had an idea. The ballot boxes would be submitted now; the ballot paper account to be submitted at another counter may wait. He would come later after freshening up at home, and getting adequate refreshment. So he did. But, he did not ‘feel’ like coming back again after a hectic day. Next day also, his weariness kept him relaxing at home. All concerned at the other end, perhaps took the day off, too. On the third day, he came out with the intention of submitting the envelope, but then, as an afterthought, he switched the programme with agenda number two, the preference being given to internet surfing, and responding to some already pending mails. As he was doing that, he remembered an invitation from his pals to join them, and he left, forgetting about submitting the envelope. By this time, the people at the control room had discovered about the missing piece of document, without which they could not proceed for counting. So, they rang up his residence and told his mother, as she had answered the call. She accordingly informed her son, when he returned. It was somewhat late, and he thought there was at least a day in between. Next day, a van from the police station arrived to take him, as at the other end, chills started running up their spines. So, he went. The agitated DC boomed at him as he was ushered into his chamber. The envelope was checked and it was found that everything was in order. As the it was DC accused him of irresponsibility, he retorted at once, ‘What do you say? I had such a long successful career! I have performed my duty as an Assistant Electoral Registration Officer, apart from several polling duties, and I have all those commendation letters. Look at my hands; how can I come in such a state to meet you?’ Infuriated, the DC just asked him to wait outside for fifteen minutes. After that, he was handed an appointment letter as a reserve counting personnel, and was asked to report in the morning, and to remain till counting was over. He took it in his stride and reported dutifully in the scheduled time, had the special breakfast, and then, as counting proceeded smoothly, he silently slipped out and watched the 11 am show at Apsara. Then, slipped in again before the change of shift at 2 pm, and had the special lunch. As the second shift continued smoothly, he slipped out again. This time, Urvasi. Again, he slipped in before 8 pm, and enjoyed his dinner. By this time, the results were declared. Remunerations for all the counting personnel were distributed, including the reserve. He pocketed the money, claiming twice the amount than the others (everyone except him were engaged for one shift only), and went home whistling. Amazing, is not it? Later, he told me that his stars were so favourable, that he knew that there would be no problem at all.

But, once at least, you know, his astrology failed. He applied for a study leave along with another colleague, and they were to meet a certain official for that purpose. The other person came to him in the morning planning to meet the official at around 11 in the morning half. He, as usual, drew those lines on a piece of paper and looked up at the planetary positions. No, the best time would start about 3 pm. So, they whiled away the time in various other matters and went to meet the official at 3 pm. But, alas! They were informed that he had to leave for an urgent domestic affair, taking half day leave at 2 pm.

But, he does also possess a golden heart and a clear conscience. When his youngest brother, who had not been as diligent as him in his studies and other duties, was moving around forlornly, he got one of his friends to give his brother employment. During the initial phases, when the employer could not make much use of his brother, he handed the employer a tidy sum from his pocket to put it in his brother’s account, to make the pay cheque look, honourable. His knowledge of astrology blended with common sense, worked wonders in this case, as he is fairly well settled now.

Bibekananda Choudhury