As they begin their life as fortnightly or weekly presences in a reader’s life, almost all women columnists make a vow to themselves. Even as the parameters of the column itself are discussed with Editors and set out in the columnist’s own mind, certain topics emerge as taboos for the column.

These parameters are different for all columnists. One may decide to write only about the contemporary political situation, another may choose not to bring in even a whiff of politics to the column, ever. Yet, another may resolve to talk of social situations only, while a fourth decides to write of everyday happenings. Perhaps, one day, there will even be a woman columnist who will be like Ruskin Bond, in a writerly way, conjuring a column out of the little blue flower that she sees on her morning walk. But there is one topic that all women columnists decide, at the very outset, to firmly avoid. That topic? Domestic help. The cook, the chauffeur, the cleaning woman, the Maali… all those people without whom our lives would grind to a halt, in fact.

Why, one wonders, is that? After all, the importance of domestic help in the lives of all middle class women is indisputable. Can the Baideo ever make it to office on time without the Bai? Can the Baba ever be fed properly without the Baburchi, (of either gender)? Without these armies of help, our lives as we know it, the life of ordinary middle class comfort in our country, will collapse into ruin.

And yet, these people, so essential in our lives, never find mention in our columns. True, Shobhaa De gives her staff a mention, but that is only in passing. Ruskin Bond and Khushwant Singh, both men, give honourable mention to their help. But that may be because their staff has truly become part of their families. When writing of the old family retainer, therefore, these columnists write of family.

Perhaps the reason that women columnists never talk of their domestic staff in their writings if they can help it, is the fact that they have grown up hearing their mothers and aunts talk of little else. A couple of decades ago, for instance, in any gathering, it was a given that the women would huddle together in one corner and talk animatedly of the “servant problem”. Many biddies, who would sit silent and morose till then, would perk up at the introduction of this topic. Thereafter, they would monopolise the conversation, talking of the misdeeds of their help, and the problems that they created in their lives. Indeed, even women with jobs outside the house would join in this conversation with gusto.

Today, no stiletto-wearing, black-dress-flaunting, toned-body-displaying, responsible-job-holding woman speaks of her help at social gatherings. The wheel has indeed turned full circle. Her vivacity and enthusiasm at these gatherings are reserved for talk about her career, the sales at the malls, the new eating places around town, the latest investment plans, the plummeting/zooming sensex, and of course her plans for holidays to exotic destinations.

And why not? The New Woman has shattered so many glass ceilings, and has occupied so many chairs hitherto reserved for Men Only, that she is entitled to spend her hard earned money the way she wants. Often, she holds down two jobs – one at her workplace, one at home. For even though men are increasingly sharing the housework, the lioness’s share falls to women, still. And the fact is that the lady who is efficient at both the workplace and at home is the one who manages her staff at both places with élan. For she has seen (even if she doesn’t talk about it) what corporate managers have long known: that an organisation is only as good as its workers, at all levels.

The savvy middle class woman of today sees herself as a Home Manager, rather than a housewife. She has learnt, early on, that running a home is actually a scaled down version of running a corporation. She treats her cook and sweep-swab maid as human resources, without whom the house would not run smoothly – or, in extreme cases, not run at all!

Still, the hangover of the past remains. The memory of women talking of their “servant problems” with so much gusto is probably the reason why most women columnists have vowed at the beginning of their careers as writers not to dwell on this topic. And yet, it is a fact that the entire structure of middle-class women’s financial freedom rests on the availability of home help. Our society is such that we do not, usually, have access to good crèches, as women in Europe do. Nor is nourishing ready-to-eat food at all easily available. And our social mores demand that hospitality be lavished on even the most casual visitor who drops in. Besides, houseguests are a fact of life here. How can a woman have a career outside the home, then, unless she has home help? Part time, full time, whatever…

Actually, it’s probably middle class women who hesitate to speak of their “domestic situation”. Women who have scaled peaks of their careers, and are heading banks and investment funds, for instance, women who are frankly rich instead of merely middle class like you and me, have never hesitated to attribute a generous portion of their success to the availability of help to run the domestic front. “I could not have managed without the nanny to look after my children, the two cooks, the chauffeurs, the live-in maids…” is a common refrain among them all.

Let us all celebrate, for once, those men and women without whom our lives as we know it would not be possible. Let us give thanks to the girl who comes in at the crack of dawn to sweep and swab our homes, so that we can make it to the office on time. Let us appreciate the man who drives us around, the boy who weeds our garden for us, so that we don’t have to do these things ourselves, thereby freeing up large chunks of time for us. Time, let us not forget, during which we can read, talk to friends, take in a movie, discuss the latest happenings in our country. Time that allows us to think up a topic for the next column.

Let us value the woman who has left her own child in the care of others, so that she can look after ours while we climb up ladders of success. Let us pay them as well as we can afford to, for in their satisfaction, in their financial well-being, lies ours. Let us realise that our lives are intertwined, that we cannot progress without their support. Let us understand their problems, and make allowances for them. Let us also realise that their mindsets, and their way of thinking, are very different from ours, and factor that in, too, into our dealings with them. For education, or the lack of it, shapes the way we think. It is to be expected that their responses to life’s problems, to the way they deal with us, will be different from the way we deal with them.

And yes, All Things Considered, it feels good to have broken the taboo about Not Talking About the Help. For without them, it is doubtful whether this column would have got written at all!

MITRA PHUKAN